#23: Continuation

So the last blog I started writing on Wednesday then never finished.

I thought to retain the integrity of my emotions, I wouldn't try to finish the blog from a future frame of mind. Offers came out last night, and after almost an hour of white pages came a gleaming body of text proposing a new lifestyle. Charles Sturt wanted me. And it also wanted Harley and Jess, so I felt comforted by the thought that I wouldn't be completely alone.

As I was looking through the application package and the drft orientation timetable, the anxiety of the past few weeks drained away. I now feel totally comfortable with the choice I've made and can't wait to meet the exciting new people in my course.

Over the past few weeks I've tried to isolate myself from my usual socialising patterns to experiment with my coping mechanisms. I am a very social person. I am a self-confessed talk-aholic, play-aholic and go-out-aholic. But over the past two weeks I've tried to keep my movements to a minimum. And I'm really starting to miss people and appreciate the intensity of our friendships. I now realise that these last few weeks that I have in Penrith are pertinent, and even though I've been told on various occassions that I won't want to travel back home every weekend from Bathurst, however I still find myself on the opposite end. I am committed to hearing certain people's voices every week, even if it is just over the phone. Or seeing their style of writing in an email or a letter. Or see their smiling faces.

Even though I find it hard to communicate sometimes; ignoring phone calls, not going out because of my lack of money, or being non-responsive on long train rides, I urge you to realise that this is the way I am in my head. I'm ready to be open again now that all this anxiety is over and my self-confidence has been reinstated.

I'm learning how to be an adult.



Lovemeg